the bites are getting worse.

yeah cause you two are so fucking cute. i’m sure you’re sitting alone and chuckling quietly at his ‘hilarious’ comments because hes the funniest fucking cunt alive. christ, i honestly hate him so much. I hate you too but i still love you, i don’t get it, i really don’t… fuck i want to die.

I don’t feel like i’m here, in my body, it feels like I am just watching myself fuck up all the time. I do and say things that aren’t what I want, it just happens. I can’t feel anything for him, he says cute things but they don’t get through to me. I don’t know if it’s cause its a boy saying it, or if its just because its not you. I let you fuck me and the next day you say your madly in love with him. You say I deserve better but that’s just your way of saying find someone else. I really should fucking hate you but I can’t. I love everything about you, you’re more than what I could ever want. I don’t deserve you, I deserve something right, a boy? Someone who doesn’t always get what they want. Someone that will never make me feel anything again. I can be there for him cause I know he’ll be there for me. He won’t break my heart when he leaves. But I think the worst part is I’ll have you to comfort me, you are my best friend. Why is that bad? You expecting me to be able to talk to you about ‘your true love.’ Hear about all the fun shit you do together and just listen while I feel like my body is being kicked and punched and my heart is about to explode. When I sleepover, we won’t spoon and cuddle, you’ll just sleep and I’ll be fighting tears and holding in screams thinking about how much I want you. I just want to tell you that every time we hang out or even talk on the phone will be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do because I love you and you’ve got a hold on me that’s so tight that I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t go a minute without thinking of you. I guess I just never thought he would like you back, that’s why I never kissed you, I thought I had enough time to wait for the perfect moment. I can’t even cut because it doesn’t do anything for me anymore, you’re the only thing that makes me feel anything at all.

Bored as balls.

Nobody will ever see them again.

This weekend was horrible, food wise. I ate so much shit, I’m really starting to think I will never get “healthy” or whatever I want to be. I wish there was something wrong with me because that would explain why I eat so much, why I don’t stop till my stomach hurts.

I don’t know how to work this tumblr machine.